Hunter Biden showed up on Jimmy Kimmel Thursday night to give his nefarious laptop the Pizzagate treatment. The best way to cover up a family scandal and stay out of jail is to make jokes about the money, lies, and illicit political shenanigans. He may have had a laptop but hey, back then “just remembering to put his pants on at the time was a ‘problem.'”
Biden scandal vanishes in puff of crack smoke
The whole Biden family scandal disappeared into a big cloud of crack smoke on Thursday. Now that Hunter has released a “memoir” with the official story of Burisma, he thinks he can tour the studios and tell the tale in such a way that everyone forgets all about it.
“Funneling money to dad from China? Who wants to hear about that?” The fans want to hear how he crawled the carpet looking for Parmesan cheese flakes to put in his crack pipe. Hunter calls it a way to “humanize people suffering from addiction.”
The New York Post is still smoldering over they way all their verified reporting has been casually swept under the rug while the prime suspect crawled over top of it.
Hunter Biden simply shrugs off the distinction of being “probably the most famous board member of a Ukrainian energy company of all time.” That makes it alright then. After that, the next propaganda lesson is that “crack addiction is cool, when you look back on it.”
Kimmel fed Biden all the perfect straight lines, starting with the observation that forgetting your laptop in the repair shop “is hard to believe unless you read the book. And then it’s like, I’m surprised you have shoes on.” Hunter was all set for that slow-ball. “The pants were the problem.” He was so cracked out anyone could have planted anything on, under, or in him.
“Now look, I really don’t know and the fact of the matter is, it’s a red herring. It is absolutely a red herring. But I am absolutely, I think, within my rights to question anything that comes from the desk of Rudy Giuliani. And so, ‘I don’t know’ is the answer.” I “don’t know” is a lot legally safer than answering one way or the other.
No way to deny it
After everything the Post exposed, there is no way for the Biden family to deny that Hunter introduced his dad to “a top executive at Burisma, which had been investigated for corruption.” The laptop has been confirmed, and the emails, no matter where they originated, have been independently confirmed by people mentioned in them.
The way to stay out of a cell is deny everything. He was so cracked out he didn’t know one way or the other, he claims. There “certainly” could be a laptop out there.” But, hey maybe it “was stolen from me.” If it was his then “I was hacked.” Must have been “Russian intelligence.” That’s not what his partners say.
Hunter Biden can’t remember a whole lot about what he did at Burisma, but then again, he has “no recollection” of meeting the stripper who bore his child either. He does admit he’s under investigation though.
That’s alright, he assures, it’s only for tax evasion charges, he insists. Once they make the audience giggle a little over a few one liners, Americans forget that these are crimes that they are talking about up there. “Who cares? What about the crack?”
Even Kimmel was hooked on the idea, joking “that the book may have inadvertently taught him how to find and smoke crack.” It sure seemed that way.
“I hope that wasn’t the message that you took from the book. It’s not a how-to, it’s a please-don’t manual,” Biden replied. Please don’t get so whacked you forget where your laptop is too. The Post had to point out just a few things before they would let this one go.
First of all, the New York Post declares, “both Twitter and Facebook took extraordinary censorship measures against The Post in October, 2020, over its exposés.” The ones about Hunter Biden and his emails.
Twitter baselessly charged that “hacked materials” were used.” Twitter locked them out for two weeks right before the election. Twitter resorted to revising its “Hacked Materials Policy” and “updating our practice of not retroactively overturning prior enforcement.”